Life altering conversation

When she entered the studio, she looked like any other person coming to try a class for the first time. Buoyant smile. A healthy post summer glow on her skin. Great urban style and excitement about trying a new class in a new environment.

Within five minutes of meeting her I found out she was terminally ill, had been dealing with cancer in various forms and locations for over five years, has two small kids and was supposed to die a year ago.

Just matter of fact like that.

I nodded. I tried not to ooze the usual, "oh my goodness. I'm so sorry". Instead, I tried to meet her with a nod and a few simple questions.

Last night, I spoke with my friend who volunteers with hospice. He says it normally goes that way. A terminally ill person has come to accept their fate and other people around them haven't quite caught up. He said it's a great relief for people in her shoes to be met with a matter of fact response. Perhaps it limits the feelings of victimization to be looked at as a victim of the big C. Maybe people just get tired of trying to make other people feel better about suffering over their suffering.

She said she had noticed a benign lump years ago that didn't change size or consistency so she never was alarmed by it for several years after. She of course monitored it after her first diagnosis. However, over time it had become cancerous. Here's the tricky part. Nursing changes our breasts and from what I hear, many lumps get missed while lactating. She was diagnosed before her second child turned one. I can't imagine having a new baby and finding out I had breast cancer. The human spirit is truly incredible at times.

She thought all was good after her first round of treatment but two years after she found out the cancer had spread.

As I write this I feel a real fear in my gut liberally doused with a drive to enjoy everything. Remove the blinders. See the big picture. Drop the pettiness and focus on the good and beautiful. Anything can happen to anyone. We all get so caught up with myopic issues like having perfectly clean houses, perfectly decorated homes and working our butts off to get 'enough' money in the bank and let the hustle and bustle or disappointments dim our life force.

Right now, I'm drinking the best cup of Earl Grey tea in my favourite coffee shop on the planet with my kind of music dancing in the air above me.

Thanks to her, she helped me experience this particular moment. Fully. Completely.